Women...Just Say It!

This week I am aware of the language people use in meetings. The little words, not the larger meaning, the political agenda or the summaries. 

What are the little words? 

The one's you'd delete if writing a meeting summary...these are the words I find interesting. 

Yesterday at the Holocaust Museum I joined a  discussion on French anti-Semitic legislation 1938-41. 

At the end of the lecture, the floor was open to ask questions. 

The room was 60% female and roughly 60% of the questions asked were from women. So this was "normal." 

What struck me was every time a woman asked a question, myself included, they (we) somehow either apologized for asking a question, speaking too long, or discussing something not directly related. 

The men never did this. And I thought about the fact that they rarely do. I am often impressed by how comfortable men can be going on and on in a discussion whereas women often cut themselves off and apologize for taking the stage.

Now Deborah Tannen has some great essays about this.


 “I'll Explain It to You: Lecturing and Listening” and other essays talks about how men like to explain things. Women look to relate so they wait their turn to speak. Other women usually give it to them and notice when they are not speaking. 

What I like about Deborah Tannen is that she discusses the topic in such a way that does not position men as wrong or western women as oppressed.  


This has implications for all kinds of conflict resolution spaces..as well as personal ones.  


Today, I just wanted to see if others might be willing to move about their day and just pay attention to this. What do you hear at meetings? What do you say? 







 

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